Saturday, November 20, 2010

Things to do about airport pat-downs and scanners

Well, most of us are now aware of the abysmality around airport pat-downs and groping in the US (so far...). There's a lot of well justified outrage about this, and good for that. But there's an opportunity for the theatrically minded (and very brave) here for novel protest. If they want to view and fondle your sexual bits, then sexualise the event for them. Turn it into a fetish.

1. Make yourself loudly and visibly turned-on, "Higher, higher! Oh Oh! Yeah, right there!", "Ooooh, do that again!"

2. Moan, scream, make whatever noises.

3. Start stripping. Help them out and get those stripper clothes that are designed to be ripped off in a flash.

4. Run personal ads or scrawl grafitti in the airport toilets: 'LAX Terminal 3, 3 - 6pm, best pat-downs by TSA agent working in the fourth line'.

5. If you're in the queue and you see someone getting pat-down, grab your partner and start vigorously making out. Plant a whole theatre troupe in there and turn it into an orgy.

6. Porn pose in the scanners. Dress porn when you fly for added effect!

Feel free to add more suggestions in the comments and I'll expand the list. 

(h/t D)


CK said...

Never mind the striptease, how about walking around the airport in your Birthday suit?
Ok: almost..

CK said...

oh, how about putting yourself in a plastic baggie?

Video's dated, but it's funny.

deBeauxOs said...

Travel with a camera crew to film all body searches, and other outrages. Announce loudly that these clips will be posted on the internet, at amateur porn websites.

sassy said...

After pat-down, ask "was it good for you too?"

Zee said...

Arrival at airport 15 minutes before departure time for domestic flights, 20 minutes for international trips, would be the most reasonable response for all passengers.

Dave said...

I personally like the idea of tactically pissing myself just as the hand reaches a strategic position.

Southern Quebec said...

I read somewhere that there is a little group encouraging men to show up in their undies... *snicker*

On the other hand, the TSA confiscated nail clippers from 233 soldiers. Oh...they let them keep their assault weapons, pistols and machine guns!

Lindsay Stewart said...

i would recommend only flying the morning after a large dose of cheap beer + chili followed by a refreshing breakfast of convenience store burritos. perhaps combining this airport oxygen replacement strategy with dave's humidity enhancement technique for the bonus twofer!

Dr.Dawg said...

sassy's ahead at this point.

Dana said...

I will not be travelling again to the Excited Snakes. Why anyone from anywhere else would want to go there and almost certainly undergo this humiliation (furriners ain't Murricans) is beyond me.

And Obama and his faux commiseration can go fuck himself. Asshole dumb fuck no better than Bush and Cheney.

Last Democratic president the US will have in my lifetime. Probably the only black one.

Beijing York said...

Offer security personnel a post-pat-down cigarette.

West End Bob said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
West End Bob said...

Wear a tee-shirt stating:

"Don't Ask,
(to touch my junk and I)

Don't Tell" (your wife you enjoyed it)