Tuesday, January 31, 2006

State of the Disunion Address

6:15 p.m. Just listening (with half an ear) to Bush's State of the Union address. I made a bet with myself that Bush would take about 15 minutes before we starting hearing 9/11. I was wrong. It took just 3 minutes! Three whole minutes! 9/11...freedom..9/11 . The man needs to start singing a new song.

6:21 p.m. Ahhh. New song. No retreat. No surrender. (can Bruce Springsteen sue for that?)

6:22 p.m. We're winning in Iraq! Iraq has democracy, freedom, new constitution (you forgot to mention .. civil war)

6:24 p.m. Forget about the mistakes of the past re: Iraq (translation: I can't hear you...I can't hear you)

6:27 p.m. I'm grateful for our volunteer troops (grateful enough to volunteer some armour for them?)

6:30 p.m. Middle East democracy won't look like our own democracy (that's because they won't have "democracy by Diebold")

6:33 p.m. We must maintain our offensive against terrorism at home and we deserve to have the tools necessary to do it (oops...there goes the democracy!)

6:35 p.m. Domestic surveillance - it's legal! I said so!

6:36 p.m. Without American leadership, the world will fall apart. (do you ever read a newspaper!!!!)

6:37 p.m. Freedom is on the march!! (see the bootprints on everyone's back?)

6:40 p.m. Economy is doing great (let's keeping give tax breaks to millionaires)

6:43 p.m. Social Security - we can't afford it. You meanies didn't support my brilliant plan to fix it. (it's the Democrats' fault!)

6:44 p.m. We need to get the world to buy American products (note to world: read the fine print on those Free Trade Agreements)

6:46 p.m. Health care - we're doing everything we can! It's the lawsuits...yeah..that's it..it's the lawsuits making it so expensive

6:48 p.m. We need to reduce our addiction on oil. We're on the threshold of great technological advances. So we'll reduce our oil dependancy by.....studying the problem. Who knows what may pop up?

6:50 p.m. We get 75% of our oil from the Mid East. This ain't good - can't trust those guys. So we'll replace that Mid East oil by...applying technology (what technology? you're still researching it...remember?)

6:55 p.m. Supreme Court - we have superb new justices - Roberts and Alito...and I'm looking for clones of them to fill any further vacancies. (good riddance Sandra Day O'Connor)

6:58 p.m. ethical standards for Washington is good (just as long as you don't apply it to Republicans)

7:00 p.m. Problem - AIDS. Solution - pray

Gaaawd I need a drink!


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