Sunday, January 08, 2006
Happy Feminist decided that I need to confess my weirdness to the entire world, but she limited me to a mere five. Trying to cull the list down to five is causing intermittent brain farts, but here goes!
1. When I was a kid, my ears stuck out (not unlike Prince Charles). It was terribly embarrassing to me and I did everything I could to hide them. My mother’s suggestion (and it was a dead serious suggestion!) was to tape the back of my ears to my head. I’m convinced that little incident scarred me for life and is the root of my lifelong fear of duct tape.
2. My bridesmaids were humpback whales. You read that correctly…humpback whales. You know how all little girls are supposed to dream about their wedding day with a white gown, bridesmaids, flowers, etc.? Well, the idea of one of those types of weddings scared the crap out of me. When Dave asked me marry him, I agreed on the condition that I wouldn’t have to do one of those weddings. So we ended up getting married on the open upper deck of a friend’s whale-watching boat, in the middle of the Broughton Archipelago with four humpback whales frolicking off to the side. The actual ceremony got interrupted several times when the whales were ‘blowing” so close to the boat that we couldn’t hear anything. And my wedding gown? – it was a khaki skirt and a white cotton blouse.
3. Biceps. At the ripe old age of 48, I finally have biceps. A couple of years ago, in total disgust that I had allowed myself to get 15 lbs. out of shape and spent the majority of my time sitting on my butt, I took up weight lifting. And I got biceps! I’m so damn proud of those biceps that I regularly make my husband feel my biceps and praise me for them. It’s a condition of him remaining married to me – he is required to squeeze my upper arms at least once every two weeks and tell me how firm and solid my muscles are. Is that weird or what?
4. I’m terrified of flying. On the rare occasions I must fly, I pop down a quarter pound of Gravol (an anti-airsickness medication). I don’t get airsick; I use the Gravol for its tranquillizing effects. Every time I set foot on an airplane, I’m convinced I’m going to die. Die horribly. Die painfully. So I make sure that I always wear attractive underwear when I go on a plane, just in case they find my body afterwards.
5. I’m an accountant, the world’s most boring profession, and I love it!