Oh Mrs. Mills, where would we be without you?
Dear Mrs. Mills
After her birthday last year, my stepmother returned her present, saying she had no use for it and nowhere to store it. I am planning to send only a card this year — unless you have a better suggestion?
She sounds like a strong-minded woman, and attempts to rile her by giving her something large and tasteless will be similarly rebuffed (though I’d still be tempted to give her one of those plug-in internal water features one sees in downmarket gambling machine emporia). So, yes, you’ll probably have to stick to just giving her a card, only make sure it’s one with her age on it, or, better still, make her two years older.
P.S. It should also work with mothers-in-law.