Unconfirmed reports state that senior members of the Conservative Party of Canada are tossing junior party members onto the tracks in an effort to create deliberate casualties.
In a scheduled 20 minute interview, Stevie Harpie said:
If this is true it is a good thing. The party is certainly engaged. The party is now blooded and that will make it a better party.Harpie then ended the interview 17 minutes early while waving at reporters with one finger.
Clarifying Harpie's comments Carolyn Competent-Charming, Harpie's press secretary, said this is good for the Conservatives.
The way this makes the party stronger is that we'll be able to attract more money and recruit more members. People like a party which has been blooded.Competent-Charming then slapped a photographer, told him to shut up and then went on to have her hair dyed a lighter shade of blonde.
With files and direction from:
Kevin Michael Grace