Monday, October 09, 2006

But are you pedophiles?

The American wingnutosphere has suddenly adopted practices reminiscent of Mitsuru Ushijima as they sacrifice the details of their private sexual preferences to the public forum in an attempt to deflect attention from the activities of the Foley/Hastert/Reynolds/Shimkus cabal.

First we have Roger L. Simon announcing that he is gay.

I only voted for Republicans twice in my lifetime (once each for Bush and Schwarzenegger). Still... despite the fact that I have been married three times (to women) and have three children (of my own seed, as far as I know), I cannot cover up any longer. This dual life has become intolerable. I am gay!
I would love to say I am blown over by that revelation but in all honesty, I don't care. In fact, I'm a little surprised that Roger chose to keep that a secret for so long. Hell, he works in Hollywood. Nobody there cares either.

If there is a reason to be a little nettled about Simon's announcement it is that he, for so long, portrayed himself as the consumate but thoughtful Republican and went well beyond nodding support. He accepted and appeased the architects of a social conservative agenda despite the fact that he represented something they attempted to marginalize and even destroy. He was prepared to accept that, keeping his secret, in order to gain from the other parts of the Republican agenda - tax cuts.

Next we have the Anchoress admitting that she, the staunch promoter of social conservative values, is not gay. In fact she admits (brace yourself) that she likes sex. Aside from a rather embarrassing expose of her life in the bedroom, it's all pretty vanilla, (with whipped cream and a cherry for garnish.) Never mind that she admits to being aroused by pictures of men, other than her husband, who I am presuming is not Keifer Sutherland in a kilt.

I like various positions! With the lights on and off! In the daytime and the nighttime! In the ocean and in the windowseat! I like sex on Sunday mornings! Can I get an “AMEN” for Cunnilingus? AMEN for cunnilingus! Can I get a “You know how to whistle, don’t you” for Fellatio? “You know how to whistle, don’t you?” Can I get a “Ride’em Cowboy” for my husband? Yippeekayae! Can I get an “arghghghghg” for Readi Whip and maraschino cherries? Arghghghghghg! What, no brownies?
Big deal.

This from the person who would condemn other women for having sex and homosexuals for actually considering themselves allowed to live.

This whole thing seemed like lemmings making a run for the cliff edge. It wasn't until I read the closing lines of their respective posts that I understood what was going on.

Roger L. Simon: Can we get back to serious issues now?

The Anchoress: Let us all participate in this most noble of endeavors…because, you know…THERE ARE NO MORE IMPORTANT MATTERS TO BE DISCUSSING THIS ELECTION SEASON! (Capitalization hers).

Ah yes. Well, let's clear that up. Neither Roger's nor the Anchoress's sexual orientation is of any importance whatsoever - and they know it.

Indeed, let's get back to some serious issues. How about the issue of people in power preying on teenagers? How about people in authority covering up for pedophiles? How about legislation approving government sanctioned torture?

I'd love to hear their take on those issues. I'll wait. Once they've gotten over the non-issue of their private sexual lives I'm certain we can start something on the fact that the current Republican style is enough to gag a maggot.

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