Forget the record. A good campaign poster is all you need.

Shorter Mary Katherine Ham: Yes, yes Fred Thompson has a good record as a conservative but that doesn't really matter. I will vote for him because a campaign poster makes my nipples firm.

Nothing says "vote for me" like a line from a seventeen year-old movie where Fred Thompson, former lawyer and future TV district attorney had a small part playing one Rear Admiral Joshua Painter. He was acting. Thompson has never been an admiral.

I'm not sure how that slots in to a US presidential campaign, particularly in 2007/08. It's got that wobbly time-warp feel to it. Does it mean Thompson is actually a Russian? And he has a plan to take a dump?

The actual line Thompson spoke was, "Russians don't take a dump, son, without a plan."

Personally, of the lines in that particular movie, I like this one better. "Central Intelligence Agency... Now, there's a contradiction in terms." But that would make Scott Glenn the candidate and he was actually, you know, a real US Marine. It would make a helluva bumper sticker though!