Wherein Mrs. Mills explains "a bit of crumpet"

I meant to post this Mrs. Mills earlier. Read it through a few times.

An American friend has recently started to talk about having an English muffin for breakfast. Is this a transatlantic euphemism for the kind of wholly inappropriate behaviour that Americans dream of in their Dick Van Dyke image of Old England, or is there a perfectly innocent explanation?

And the answer:

I can’t go into details here, but your friend needs to be careful. “Having an English muffin” is illegal in several states in the Deep South and still not referred to in polite society all down the East Coast. And while it may be fashionable in California, the practice hasn’t even been heard of in the Midwest.