You can't make this stuff up

But Mitt Romney can!

Romney recalled he was “probably 4 or something like that” the day of the Golden Jubilee, when three-quarters of a million people gathered to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the American automobile.

“My dad had a job being the grandmaster. They painted Woodward Ave. with gold paint,” Romney told a rapt Tea Party audience in the village of Milford Thursday night, reliving a moment of American industrial glory.

The Golden Jubilee described so vividly by Romney was indeed an epic moment in automotive lore. The parade included one of the last public appearances by an elderly Henry Ford.

And it took place June 1, 1946 — fully nine months before Romney was born.

And our Basset-loving somewhat popular blogger from America's Finest City (just a trolley ride from Tijuana) explains how Romney pulled that one off.

Did you know this? I didn't know this.

It's why I try to read Bouphonia, particularly on Fridays.

I know it's wrong to kick someone when they've already gone down, but being as Mitt Romney is a Republican he'll accept that it's the conservative version of fair play. (That being considerably different from fairness and sportsmanlike conduct.)

So, it seems the Mittster, when he was hanging about the "corner office", (Massachusetts is egalitarian in that it is one of the few states not to have a governors mansion), tried to make some hay in the political sunshine by being the first state to accept that "marriage" is a secular arrangement and a commitment between two people who wish to share their life, love and resources with each other - regardless of whether they are of the opposite sex or not. In other words, Mitt fully embraced gay marriage.

Good on Mitt, you say. Massachusetts may have a wanker as a governor (then), but at least he has his head screwed on properly.

Not so fast. Apparently the Mitt was playing fast and furious with the law. When he decided that all people should be treated equally, he also shut down the border.

It took a different governor, Deval Patrick, to be precise, to sort out what Mitt had done. Patrick is a Democrat and has a long CV, which includes service in the Clinton administration, as a champion of equal rights.

So, what is it that Mitt did?

Glad you asked.

Mitt invoked a forgotten law that was enacted in 1913 and has roots as far back as 1843. It prevented couples from out-of-state from acquiring a marriage license in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. (Did I spell that right?)

In short, after our pal Mitt signed legislation that effectively wiped out restrictions on who could marry, he contacted every county, city, borough and village and reminded them that the only people they could issue a marriage license to were the good citizens of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.

So said that law.

If a couple was from out-of-state they would probably have to go to that blank space which always seems to appear at the top of US weather maps and which is responsible for nasty snowstorms, low-fat cheese and a chain of donut shops selling really shitty coffee.

But that 1913 law had not been enforced for, well, decades. One of the reasons is that legal experts believe that it was enacted to prevent couples taking advantage of the 1843 anti-miscenegation law which allowed (Hang on! The ride gets good from here!) interracial marriage.

Why would Massachusetts (did I spell that right?) do such a thing? Well, to protect their own people - that's why.

You see, some of those Southe'n gentlemen were none to keen on those negros and persons of color actually marryin' or co-habitatin' and they proposed a Constitutional amendment to prohibit interracial marriage.... forever!

That, by the way, was the late Seaborn Roddenberry of Georgia.... a Democrat. The ugly part of his proposal was to invoke the "One Drop Rule" which meant that if a person had any non-Caucasian blood in them, they would be prohibited from marrying.

In Mitt's case, however, it seems the veneer on his actions was that he was worried that the counties, cities, boroughs and villages would suffer an influx of applications from... gawd forbid! New York City!!

So, Mitt Romney, who wanted really, really bad to be preznit, tells us all that as governor of the Commonwealth of Massachusets he invoked an old law, couched in exreme racism,and that he's your man .... ok. well maybe Vice man.

I don't think so.

By the way, has anybody seen or heard from the Mittsters sons?

Since daddy has nothing in the way of a country to save, I guess the lads are in the recruiting process.

Makes me feel are warm and fuzzy.

And, don't worry Mitt. Someone is there fixing your mess.

Romney only "suspended" his campaign

Right. Mitt Romney didn't really quit the campaign for the GOP nomination for president. He only suspended it... kinda sorta.

Oh, where does one begin? Let's do McCain.

It seems McCain has run afoul of campaign finance legislation. When his campaign was on the ropes during the summer of 2007, he opted into a publicly-funded financing system. Once he had developed enough traction and there were enough campaign donations coming in, he wanted out. The primary reason for that is that it limits the cost of his campaign to $60 million and imposes strict fund-raising limitations.

There's no problem with opting out... as long as the candidate didn't take any of the public money, or take a loan based on the guarantee of public money. But it appears McCain did take out a $4 million loan using the public-funding guarantee. Lindsay has details, here and here. The most delicious part of the whole thing is that McCain was one of the authors of campaign finance reform legislation and now finds himself unable to live with it.

He's spent about $46 million already. If the US Federal Election Commission nails McCain he will be running a relative pauper's campaign against privately-funded juggernauts and will not be able to spend money until September.

Not to mention the fact that McCain is now dealing with something of a scandal.

So back to Romney. As Jeff explains, McCain's nearest competitor, Mike Huckabee has a problem with the split personality of the Republican party and doesn't stand much of a chance taking the nomination away from McCain with his over 900 delegates. Ron Paul is deeply despised within his own party and the "also rans" are busy rotating on their thumbs.

... the only candidates still in the race challenging St. John are Mike Huckabee, whose refusal to state that taxes are a tool of Satan and refusal to state that women aren't tools of Satan makes him a less-than-attractive candidate; Ron Paul, who's so deeply unpopular among rank-and-file Republicans that he could well lose his seat in the House in next Tuesday's Texas primary; and Alan Keyes, who is Alan Keyes.

That leaves... Mitt! The ASPCA's dog delivery guru.

Josh Romney, one of former Gov. Mitt Romney's five sons, says it's "possible" his father may rejoin the race for the White House, as a vice presidential candidate or as the Republican Party's standard-bearer if the campaign of Sen. John McCain falters.

Josh, being none other than one of the five brothers Romney who rushed down to the recruiting office to find a new way to serve their country and "support the war"moped about trying to develop a new strategy for avoiding military service after their father pulled the plug on his campaign.

So, Romney now appears poised to pull the tarp off the Mittmobile, put his sons back into kevlar boxer shorts and wait for the Republican party to gore itself from the inside out.

Honest Mitt. We want you back. Political death-watch on your own party becomes you... and there's no telling how much laughter we would get from this guy.

Mitt Romney: dogs aren't the only thing he abuses

I wouldn't trust Mansoor Ijaz as far as I could throw him but this time he asked Republican US presidential hopeful Mitt Romney a question that got a bit of a mind-numbing answer. (Emphasis mine)

I asked Mr. Romney whether he would consider including qualified Americans of the Islamic faith in his cabinet as advisers on national security matters, given his position that "jihadism" is the principal foreign policy threat facing America today. He answered, "…based on the numbers of American Muslims [as a percentage] in our population, I cannot see that a cabinet position would be justified. But of course, I would imagine that Muslims could serve at lower levels of my administration."

Romney, whose Mormon faith has become the subject of heated debate in Republican caucuses, wants America to be blind to his religious beliefs and judge him on merit instead. Yet he seems to accept excluding Muslims because of their religion, claiming they're too much of a minority for a post in high-level policymaking. More ironic, that Islamic heritage is what qualifies them to best engage America's Arab and Muslim communities and to help deter Islamist threats.

So... given the Mitt's analysis of things, if you were, oh... I don't know, let's say an ethnic Pashtun, born in northern Afghanistan, emigrated to the US as a high-school student, got a PhD from Chicago University, became an assistant professor of political science at Columbia University, worked with Zbigniew Brzezinsky, served in the Carter, Reagan, GHW Bush and GW Bush administrations and were well-connected to the RAND corporation that, because you were a Muslim, you could only serve at the lower levels of a Republican Romney administration.

The 26th United States ambassador to the United Nations, formerly US ambassador to Afghanistan and Iraq will be happy to know that.

TBogg does it better.

The Five Romneys. Marketing a cartoon.

Josh Romney is tired.

Yeah, well, that'll happen to you when you're working to serve your country. As we all now know, according to Dad, these five brothers, driving around in the Mitt Mobile, are serving America by helping get him elected.
It's all so.... Osmond. Toothy smiles and all.

And now "The Five Brothers", working tirelessly from the Mitt Mobile, (a honkin' big motorhome), have acquired their own fame.

There was another group of "five brothers" who became famous in the United States. They too served their nation. And they were from Iowa - the same place poor Josh wore himself out - in a motorhome.

BAGnewsnotes demonstrates why those Iowan boys make the Romney boys look like a walking obscenity.