The Canadian "anti-American melodrama" doc dump

WikiLeaks delivers a four page cable from the American Embassy in Ottawa in 2008 analyzing the increase in "anti-American melodrama" on Canada's "state-owned" television.

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Lols.

*ring* ... *ring* ...

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"Yeah. Special Agent Joe here."

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"Hey Joe, you finished that report on the changing dynamic of Canada-US relations yet?"

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"Just about."

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"Just about? It's been six months already and I'm looking at your $20,000 room service bill here. Wtf's going on up there?"

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"It's complicated, sir. Things are at a very delicate stage. Did you know there's a CIA plot to secretly divert Canadian water to the southwest?"

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"Well, former US ambassador to Canada Paul Cellucci mentioned it once - something about aquaducts - but I don't think it went anywhere."

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"Tell that to the state-owned television station up here. In just the last three weeks a Syrian terrorist with a belt full of explosives was taken off a plane but unfortunately it was the Canadian-Syrian man sitting next to him who was rendered by CSIS and the CIA to Syria."

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"I haven't heard anything about .... Are you sure about this?"

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"Oh yes, sir, I read about it in the National Post."

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"Good God."

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"Then one of our rendition aircraft with three terrorist suspects on the "Guantanamo to Syria express" crashed in Quebec and the terrorists escaped. Luckily an arrogant, albeit stunningly attractive female Homeland Security officer, sort of a cross between Salma Hayek and Cruella DeVil, has arrived to sort it out."

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"Have you made contact with her yet?"

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"Not exactly, sir. She hasn't returned my calls. Her agent was quite rude to me actually and he isn't even a special agent."

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"Be careful, Joe. We don't want to start up any interdepartmental turf wars. Is there anything else you need?"

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"Another television would be a big help, sir. Sometimes reruns of The Border come on in the afternoon at the same time as Little Mosque on the Prairie and I can't keep up."

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"Of course. Whatever you need. After all, it's a matter of national security."

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OK, you know what really is funny? The original report from the US Embassy in Ottawa, complete with Selma Hayek/Cruella DeVil references, although as Holly Stick pointed out in comments at Creekside, Special Agent Joe appears to have completely missed that the star of H2O had previously infiltrated the US disguised as a mountie. Maybe if he gets that extra tv ...

Cellucci wants huge aqueducts to carry water from Canada to the US

Embassy Mag :

"Pointing out the imminent droughts in the southwestern United States caused by climate change, [former US Ambassador to Canada] Paul Cellucci raised the idea of constructing huge aqueducts to carry Canadian water south of the border.
He added that "to some extent, fresh water is a renewable resource," and that this opinion is shared by a recent report by the Montreal Economic Institute."

Yes, we already covered that Montreal Economic Institute report back here, Paul :

The chairman of the board of the Montreal Economic Institute, the 'independent non-profit' so keen on privatizing and exporting Canadian water, is Helene Desmarais. Helene Desmarais is married to Paul Desmarais Jr., co-CEO of Power Corporation of Canada and board member of GDF Suez, a multinational corporation that is a world leader in water privatization.

So. Not entirely arm's length then.
GDF Suez recently spun off its water equities into Suez Environnement Company, now Europe's 2nd largest private water management corp, in which it maintains a 35% controlling interest.

Meanwhile, we learn Paris is the latest city to reverse this trend and take action to put water back into public hands.
Is the Water Privatization Trend Ending? is an interesting article about Suez, "corruption, fraudulent accounting practices, and high prices", and the EU's attempt "to impose the worldwide privatisation of water and other public services through the WTO".

"In the 1990s many countries privatised their water and sanitation services, particularly in Africa, Asia and Latin America, under strong pressure from neo-liberal governments, particularly in the European Union (EU), and from international financial institutions such as the World Bank, the International Monetary Fund and the World Trade Organisation (WTO) to 'open up' national services.

The biggest beneficiaries were Suez and Veolia."

Oh yeah, by all means bring on that Canada-EU Free Trade Agreement with its "deep economic integration negotiations", so enthusistically touted by French President Sarkozy, currently also in rotation as President of the EU, as he awarded France's highest honour to Paul Desmarais Sr. ten days ago as thanks for helping him to become president.


In 2006, Mr. Cellucci suggested "that water should be included in the same category as other natural resources exported as Canadian commodities on the open market," an opinion also shared by the Montreal Economic Institute.

Stick it, Paul.
Cross-posted at Creekside