The Canadian "anti-American melodrama" doc dump

WikiLeaks delivers a four page cable from the American Embassy in Ottawa in 2008 analyzing the increase in "anti-American melodrama" on Canada's "state-owned" television.

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Lols.

*ring* ... *ring* ...

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"Yeah. Special Agent Joe here."

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"Hey Joe, you finished that report on the changing dynamic of Canada-US relations yet?"

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"Just about."

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"Just about? It's been six months already and I'm looking at your $20,000 room service bill here. Wtf's going on up there?"

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"It's complicated, sir. Things are at a very delicate stage. Did you know there's a CIA plot to secretly divert Canadian water to the southwest?"

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"Well, former US ambassador to Canada Paul Cellucci mentioned it once - something about aquaducts - but I don't think it went anywhere."

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"Tell that to the state-owned television station up here. In just the last three weeks a Syrian terrorist with a belt full of explosives was taken off a plane but unfortunately it was the Canadian-Syrian man sitting next to him who was rendered by CSIS and the CIA to Syria."

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"I haven't heard anything about .... Are you sure about this?"

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"Oh yes, sir, I read about it in the National Post."

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"Good God."

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"Then one of our rendition aircraft with three terrorist suspects on the "Guantanamo to Syria express" crashed in Quebec and the terrorists escaped. Luckily an arrogant, albeit stunningly attractive female Homeland Security officer, sort of a cross between Salma Hayek and Cruella DeVil, has arrived to sort it out."

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"Have you made contact with her yet?"

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"Not exactly, sir. She hasn't returned my calls. Her agent was quite rude to me actually and he isn't even a special agent."

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"Be careful, Joe. We don't want to start up any interdepartmental turf wars. Is there anything else you need?"

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"Another television would be a big help, sir. Sometimes reruns of The Border come on in the afternoon at the same time as Little Mosque on the Prairie and I can't keep up."

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"Of course. Whatever you need. After all, it's a matter of national security."

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OK, you know what really is funny? The original report from the US Embassy in Ottawa, complete with Selma Hayek/Cruella DeVil references, although as Holly Stick pointed out in comments at Creekside, Special Agent Joe appears to have completely missed that the star of H2O had previously infiltrated the US disguised as a mountie. Maybe if he gets that extra tv ...