Steve told me he would respect me in the morning...

And that he loved me!

Helena Guergis broke her silence Monday, telling the CBC in an exclusive interview that a month after her highly publicized ouster from the Conservative caucus she still doesn't know anything about the "serious allegations" that prompted her dismissal.

Un huh. Going through the quotes is pure comedy.

Guergis, who was travelling in the Dominican Republic at the time with her husband, Rahim Jaffer, recalls getting the phone call notifying her of the coming announcement. She greeted the news at first with silence, then with tears and a barrage of questions.

Tense drama.

"What have I done?" she remembers asking. "I don't understand what you're talking about. What are you talking about?"

Stunned disbelief. How politically astute of her.

The former minister for the status of women accuses the Conservative Party of treating her unfairly.

What?! The whole party? Pray, tell us more.

"I feel as though they've thrown the rule books out the window, that they're not respecting due process at all. I find it very undemocratic."

From the party (of which you are a floating bit) which has used every maneouvre known to lawyers to thwart and subvert democracy and rules?! Mygod! Undemocractic?! How can you say that about the Conservatives?

"I'm hurt by the Prime Minister. I am hurt because I did consider him to be a friend as well, so I find that very hard to deal with."

Ohhh. Welcome to the new Harper version of Canada, Helena. Get one simple fact through your mind: It's not about you; it's about Harper. He doesn't give a red rat's ass about you, your family, your feelings or, more importantly, your supposed friendship. Harper doesn't have friends - he has pawns. You were one until he used you in a sacrifice move.

"I'm not ready to give up my political career."

It's not up to you, sweetheart. Unless you haven't fully absorbed the surroundings, those round black things rolling toward you are the rear wheels of the Harper bus. The same bus you helped fuel.

You have a choice. From your McSeat in the McBackbenches, you can look across the empty floor.

The problem you have now is the poison you carry that nobody else wants go anywhere near. Maybe you can get a job as McVety's receptionist.

In the meantime, welcome to the Harper you helped create.