Next. Let's hire a witch-finder.

There's a buzz coming out of Coweta County, Georgia. (Warning. Slow PDF. But I'll explain if you're impatient.)

First though, take a look at this Google search using the term sex toy laws. You might notice the direction it takes. The vast majority of the responses on the first page of that search will lead you to stories of laws in the US banning the sale of sex toys; putting people on trial for selling sex toys and even, (yes, because there's nothing more important), the US Supreme Court telling its citizens that what they do in the privacy of their own homes is the business of the government if that thing that buzzes and uses a pair of AA batteries vibrates off the counter and towards any region of one's body that might find it... stimulating.

Why?

Because if a person is going to get pleasure from some rapidly moving mechanical device, especially if that person is a woman, it must be wrong.

So let's say you actually agree with that absurd notion. Let's go with the unpowered stuff. You know. Warming goo, ribbed condoms and confectionary flavoured lubes.

No harm... right?

Wrong! In Coweta County it's against the law!

The sale of sex toys, and perhaps even the sale of some condoms and lubricants, is now prohibited in Coweta County.

The Coweta County Board of Commissioners unanimously voted to approve a new obscenity ordinance and a new ordinance regulating sexually-oriented businesses at a specially-called meeting Monday afternoon.

The obscenity ordinance prohibits sale or distribution of obscenity, and prohibits anyone from “knowingly” selling, or possessing with the intent to sell, “any device designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs.”

Quick discussion.... most devices designed to provide stimulation are designed to stimulate which of the sexes?

Bingo!

The Board of Commissioners is comprised of how many women? ZERO!

They're all men. Funny how that works, isn't it?

So, given this new ordinance the fat old men running Coweta County seem so intent on passing it begs a question. Given that sildenafil citrate is sold in drug stores, does that mean the pharmacies have to stop selling it? I mean, it is designed and marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs and is the active ingredient in Viagra. Let's face it, sildenafil citrate is marketed for one purpose and one purpose only.

Or were the Coweta County commissioners only referring to items which would be useful for the stimulation of female human genital organs?

Oh the horrors! That women, especially the women of Coweta County, Georgia, might actually be having it on... in private... alone... without their man!!! By passing an ordinance, women will have to get all their sexual pleasure from their men... directly. Because if those men know what they're doing, sexually I mean, those women won't need any of those obscene, genitial stimulatin' thangies.

(Yes, women, I will enlighten the fat, old, sexually unenlightened commissioners.)

Note to commissioners: Even if you were voted stud of the year not one of you can do what a vibrator does. Not one of you. And I'll take odds that this comment was written by a man.

Makes you wonder what happens in places where how hot to make the fire is the decision of those who are naked. One change to the Google search term... sex toy laws canada.

Anyone notice the difference?

Too good to pass up: On the 26th of January, the Commissioners of Coweta County passed their ordinance making pocket rockets illegal. On the 29th of January something out there replied. Oral Roberts might have something to say about that. Coincidence?

Hat tip Cheryl for some stimulating input.