Wisdom

NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS IN LIGHT OF RECENT EVENTS
 
CEO — Chief Embezzlement Officer. 
CFO — Corporate Fraud Officer. 
BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.  
BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.  
VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.  
P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.  
BROKER — What my broker has made me.  
STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.  
STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets  equally between themselves.  
FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.  
MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.  
CASH FLOW — The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.  
YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.  
WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought  Yahoo @ $240 per share.  
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.  
PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use (except for oil company execs).