The State of Canadian Politics

I'm not completely certain to whom this story (freely adapted from Billy Connolly) is analogous.

It could be Harper or Dion or Layton.

Once upon a time, there was a Russian wrestler named Ivan the Terrible.

Ivan the Terrible had two deadly moves; the half pretzel which will break your neck, and the full pretzel, which will kill you. He travels around Russia leaving mangled bodies everywhere he goes, until finally, no one wants to face him anymore. So in order to support himself he decides to join the circus sideshow.

One day the sideshow is in Glasgow, Scotland. The ring master comes out and says, "Who will face the great Ivan the Terrible?".

No one says anything. Again the ring master says, "Isn't this the great Glasgow I've heard about? I'll offer 1000 pounds to anyone who can beat him".

All of a sudden, this wee drunk Glaswegian in the back pops up, "E'll doo it. E'll doo it. I doo this kind of stuff all the time." The ring master invites the man to come down.

Ivan the Terrible comes into the ring all chained up, growling and foaming at the mouth. They release him and the two begin to wrestle. At first it looks like the wee drunk might be able to hold his own but then Ivan the Terrible gets him in the half pretzel, then the full pretzel. But then suddenly Ivan the Terrible goes reeling back in pain, falls down, hits his head and loses consciousness. The crowd starts cheering and the wee drunk is given his reward.

After the show, the drunk is being interviewed by the BBC. The reporter asks the man "How did you beat the great Ivan the Terrible"? "Well I tell ya, first he got me in that half pretzel and then that full pretzel, and I thought all was lost. Then suddenly, I see this great willie right in front of me face." "So what did you do", the reporter asks? "Well I bit it as hard as I could, didn't I. You know, it's amazing the sudden surge of strength you get when you bite your own willie!"