Beware the Randy Rat!

Honestly, I had expected to read this elsewhere.

South Africa's health department said on Tuesday it has recalled 20 million potentially defective condoms approved by an official accused of taking bribes from a manufacturer.

Hmmm. Faulty product. Made in South Africa. Personal health. I am waiting for these things to show up in a Canadian "dollar store" somewhere.

The SABS [South African Bureau of Standards] official accused of taking bribes and two directors of the manufacturing company have been arrested and are out on bail, said the spokesman. They will be appearing in a Pretoria court on September 10 to face charges of corruption and fraud. The condoms did not meet several standard tests for strength, pressure and lubrication. The SABS Web site alerted the public, saying the faulty condoms were distributed by brand names including Ultramour, Randy Rat and Positions.

SABS said it had instructed Latex Surgical Products (LSP) to recall the condoms and that it would take legal action against the manufacturer.

Randy Rat? How quaint. (Hold on a second there, darlin'. I've gotta cover the old one-eyed king snake with a Randy Rat. Kind of eliminates the need for candles and easy-listening music.)

The problem, according to various different sources in South Africa is that a recall may be well beyond the realm of reality. No one seems certain how to do it.

The health department said it does not know how many of the defective condoms have been used, and it is urging the public to return them.

Presumably, the South African health department is talking about the unused condoms.

In case you thought this little problem in South Africa couldn't possibly affect you, in North America, Europe or Asia, this little line is from the manufacturer's website.

LSP Incorporating Zalatex is the first manufacturer in South Africa to export low protein sterile surgical gloves and condoms.

I know. You're wondering about the "dollar store" connection. Well, it's because of this. The $1 pregnancy test kit will go nicely with whatever cheapo condoms you might find.

Luckily, in Canada at least, we have an aspiring "dollar store" detective. Once he graduates from toothpaste to rubber products we'll be able to get on with life in a safe manner.