If the icecube in my drink is getting bigger, I must be in Minneapolis

It's true! Ass-Rocket takes this particular award hands-down.

There are two startlingly easy concepts John will never comprehend: 1.) The ozone layer is expected to take 50 years to recover "when the atmospheric amounts of reactive chlorine and bromine return to their pre-ozone-hole levels." 2.) Decreased stratospheric temperatures are partially due to increased greenhouse gas emissions

Note to Hindraker: Stop doing this. Every time you do we have to waste our time pointing it out to everyone and reminding them that you also wrote this:

It must be very strange to be President Bush. A man of extraordinary vision and brilliance approaching to genius, he can't get anyone to notice. He is like a great painter or musician who is ahead of his time, and who unveils one masterpiece after another to a reception that, when not bored, is hostile.

Which tests the gag reflexes of almost every rational human-being who reads it.