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ABC in the US has announced that they're going to carry the finals of the Scripps-Howard National Spelling Bee live in prime time on Thursday.

I predict disaster.

There will be a huge outcry from freaked out rightwhingers over all the so called "theories of spelling" that have been foisted upon the English language by generations of liberal academics.

FauxNews will retaliate with a reality show of their own featuring nothing but alternate spellings, some of them in no dictionary at all, for all the words used in the Scripps-Howard event. It will be hosted by Bill (shudup kid, ya spoiled whiner) O'Reilly. The FauxNews winner will be consequently be discovered to be a cheat who is not even a kid but rather O'Reilly's dwarf loofah aqua-culturist.

Here at home Stephen Harper, our presumptive Prime Minister, will announce that this is just one more example of media bias and that, as is the case with so much in our lives, the Liberal governments of the past have forced this insupportable political correctness about spelling down our collective throats. He will vow to introduce legislation loosening the red tape around spelling. He will then apologize for using the communist word "collective".

We now return you to your regular programming.