It's pure Mrs. Mills

Once again, an installment from that fountain of wisdom and outstanding personal advisor, Mrs. Mills, direct from the Sunday Times:

I have no success with women — it’s a result if I talk to one for five minutes. Then, last week, I looked after a friend’s westie. Whenever we went for a walk, attractive women would press him to their bosoms and let him lick wherever he fancied. Yet, the smelly animal’s only attempt at personal hygiene is an occasional roll on the grass, licking his nether regions. How can I get women to smother me in their bosoms instead?

And Mrs. Mills cuts to the chase with a brilliant solution:

If it works for the dog, why not try rolling around on the grass, licking your nether regions? There must be one woman who finds it appealing, and all the rest will have time to run away.

It was so obvious it makes you wonder why he asked in the first place. Catch the rest of her great column here.