Friday, March 16, 2007

News 2027

World News
Dateline: 2027
With the lastest addition to the surge that began in 2007, there are now 60 000 000* American troops in Iraq attempting to control the insurgency. Iraq thus becomes the first country in the world to surpass the CONUS in population of American citizens. Joint Presidents for Life Jenna and not-Jenna called it "a sure sign our father's dream of a peaceful free** Iraq would soon be realised." The rest of the world, having long ceased all ties with the United States after The Great Escape, was typically unconcerned with comment as has been the case since the Disengagement Treaty*** of 2021.

*The US population sharply reduced after the increasingly peaceful world opened its doors to Americans who identified as "non-Republican". An unexpected two thirds of Americans took advantage of it and the event was nicknamed "The Great Escape". The remaining 30% (100 million) of Americans took to the streets calling the leavers "America-hating Islamofascist terrorist loving liberal dumbocrats" and cheered their departure.

**Peace was declared between Iraqi insurgent groups in 2015 but it was found to beneficial to keep the the US in the dark because it kept them from interfering with the then ongoing Global Peace negotiations. As a result, a 20km radius around every US base in Iraq was turned into something of a giant action movie set. This provided employment for former insurgents (saving the expense of retraining) on top of keeping the Americans occupied. Very few US troops have ventured outside their bases since 2010 as mounting US casualties forced a secret ceasefire with the insurgents. The zero combat casualties combined with the Indefinite Rotation Act, mean no US soldier has actually left Iraq since 2010 either.

***The Disengagement Treaty, sometimes referred to as the 'divorce treaty' was negotiated between the US and the World, after the Global Peace was declared in 2020 in an effort to combat climate change. The US government opted out, claiming world peace would embolden the 'terrorists' (see previous footnote) in Iraq and harm the US economy. As a result, the World 'agreed' not to involve itself in US affairs on condition the US reciprocate.

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