My Fellow Conservatives,
As you have no doubt heard we are now fixing the criteria for tax credits for Canadian movies and TV shows. From now on we can simply deny the tax credits granted to TV and Film productions if we find them obscene or in any way personally offensive to our way of life. Make no mistake about it; this is a very large stick we now wield against the entertainment industry. If we deny them the tax credit after they have made their projects and spent their money they could face bankruptcy. I see the future my friends and it's starring Anne of Green Gables.
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Today we screened a new movie by someone called the Trailer Park Boys. Not only can we not grant these people a tax credit but we had no choice but to call the police and initiate an instant review of some channel called Showcase. Poor Stockwell had a seizure during the opening credits and began to hyperventilate into a brown paper bag.
My friends, bankrupting a company is not a decision I make lightly; luckily it is a company in Atlantic Canada so it is okay. But this Trailer Park business just reinforces my belief that the region is mired in a culture of defeat. As I said to Chuck Strahl our Minister of Indian Affairs, instead of glorifying drugs and violence they should simply make a nice show like the Forest Rangers. Chuck agreed offering the kind of insight that makes him one of my most trusted Ministers "You got that right boss, that Bubbles is no Indian Joe Two Rivers."
Luckily Helena Geurgis had a good idea that could save the production. "Why not add a talking car?" she said, "like Herbie the Love Bug." Helena loves Herbie.
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This horrified Stockwell day. Throwing his panic bag aside he shouted that we could not in good conscience give any tax credits to anything with a talking car; that such behavior in a Volkswagen clearly indicated that Herbie was possessed by Satan. He told us the only thing that would fix that Love bug was a run through a carwash of holy water. This lead Peter Mackay to inform us that when he was in university, a "love bug" meant that it hurt when you peed. McKay goes too far sometimes. He tortures Stockwell any chance he can get. Those two are always at it; if it's not arguing over how best to proceed in the Middle East it's who looks better in fatigues.
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You really should go read the whole thing.
Thanks Rick, keep it up!
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